She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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