Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
