you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
