You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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