I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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