I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
