listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
