im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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