dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
