is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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