My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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