I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize