brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Randomize
