remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
