im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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