it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
