I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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