it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
