we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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