Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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