After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
