Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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