the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
