So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
