You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
