Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
