bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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