just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
