that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
