Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
