Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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