Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
