K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
