I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
