Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How does one acquire holy water?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
