DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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