i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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