Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
