...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
