I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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