The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
