ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
