I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
