the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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