We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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