I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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