small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
