SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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