i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
