So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize