Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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