Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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