Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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