He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize