The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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