This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize