Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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