There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
