here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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