Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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