I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
