dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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