roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
