We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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