I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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