I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize