i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
