I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she looked like the before picture.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize