my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
