All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
