Princesses don't give blow jobs
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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