apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
