Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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