i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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