i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
