She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize