she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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