so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
