It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
