I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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