I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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