you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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