she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
