He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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