how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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