i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
