Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
