Someone shit on the floor
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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