why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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