Me too!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
