I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think I died a long time ago.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
