There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
