You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
