I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
