Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
did i just pee glitter
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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