I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
