you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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