those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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