Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
