i wish my penis had a tongue
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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