I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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