dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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