Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
