you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
