1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
