We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
