sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
