my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
