Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

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(914): View more from New York

Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.

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(406): View more from Montana

It was just a squirrel

(253): View more from Washington

You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

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(925): View more from California

Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'

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(512): View more from Texas

Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.

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