I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
