True but thats because hes a fetus.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
