Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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