y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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