i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize