Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
