Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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