You're so nebulous sometimes
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
soo... how was my night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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