i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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