You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
