We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
