guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize