I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
