I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
