I want to have your abortion
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
